One of my favorite quotes about marriage says “a happy marriage is a selfless journey in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” This week has much to do with sexual intimacy in family life and a lot about infidelity in marriages. Everyone has different views about sexuality. Views about sex and people’s sexual activity is shaped by our social context. When taking a look at the gender differences when it comes to sexual activity, men tend to have a stronger sexual drive than women. When talking about personal social context, all cultures have different views on what kinds of sexual activity is weird compared to what others find pleasurable. An interesting thing to note when it comes to sexual activity is that the need for intimacy actually has primacy over sex. Statistics have shown that those who engage in sex may find themselves feeling less stress and have a more positive mood. It has also been shown that those with better health have a better sex life.
There are many factors that go into creating a healthy marriage and many things that create an unhealthy marriage. A few things that go into a healthy marriage include accepting, embracing, and being comfortable with each other’s body parts. The relationship should be connection based instead of performance based. Each person should be fully present instead of being detached mentally and emotionally. Each person in the relationship should be informed and educated. The relationship should be multi-dimensional with intimacy and connection instead of one-dimensional only based on the physical. A few more very important factors that go into a healthy marriage includes adventure and variety. There should be passion instead of lust and the purpose of the relationship should be to connect rather than as a way to self-medicate.
Infidelity in marriage is a very big topic and the leading cause of divorce. Infidelity is the opposite of faithfulness. The rates of infidelity is 21% of married men and 14% of married women. There are 4 types of affairs including fantasy, visual, romantic and sexual. A fantasy affair is being emotional with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place. This is typically online relationships. A visual affair describes pornography. A romantic affair is an individual becoming emotionally involved with a specific person other than his or her spouse. Lastly, a sexual affair is a person engaging in sexual acts outside the bonds of marriage. Some causes of infidelity include being dissatisfied with the marriage, having lower incomes, those who attend church less frequently, those who have been divorced, etc. A few ways to prevent marital infidelity is through working to strengthen the marriage, being off guard and being fiercely loyal to your spouse. Always putting your spouse first is the key to a happy marriage.
Overcoming an affair is a very challenging, painstaking and long process. The first step is to work on rebuilding trust. Each person should work on becoming accountable and begin to set boundaries. The next step is to gain a better perspective by understanding how the affair came about and the things leading up to the issue. Repentance and forgiveness is the next step in overcoming an affair. Overcoming addiction is part of the process of forgiveness and repentance. The last part in overcoming an affair is making the choice to stay together. Marriages are often much stronger once the healing is over.
Some of the threats to marital fidelity include friends, facebook, family and fighting. However with our eternal companions, we should have complete allegiance to our spouse, there should be firm and clear boundaries, limits on the fun, and perpetual growth opportunities. The most important takeaway from this week is that successful marriages have clear and firm boundaries from the beginning.
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