Last week was all about preparing for marriage and this week we are moving on to early marriage adjustments and transitions! Were going to explore many things pertaining to marriage and changes that couples can expect to go through in their first year of marriage. To start off I want to talk about the reasons that people get married. It’s not all just one reason as many people may think. Most people marry for intimacy, to be able to have someone there who loves and cares and overall to promote their well-being. For some they marry because of social expectations from others around them saying they need to be married. For others it is due to social ideals and personal fulfillment. Others may have the desire for children and lastly some people marry as a practical solution to solve their problems and challenges such as financial issues. All of the reasons for getting married heavily play into the different types of marriages.
There is the devitalized marriage where each couple is unsatisfied with each other but they stay together out of their sense of duty. There is financially focused couples who are mostly together for financial reasons. There is also conflicted couples who are satisfied with some things and dissatisfied with others from each other. There are traditional couples who have only one source of dissatisfaction. Balanced couples have problems with financial management. Harmonious couples have trouble with parenting and lastly the vitalized couples are highly satisfied marriages in all 9 dimensions. In life we have 9 dimensions of wellness. Each of these areas applies to the wellness of a marriage as well. So the vitalized couple where each person is satisfied, shows that each area of wellness needs are being met for each person in the marriage. A great way to avoid many problems in marriage is clarify each person’s expectations. Many times we go into relationships thinking that the other person already knows what we want but without clarifying specific things, and expecting those unsaid things to happen, many of the problems mentioned above will begin to arise.
A huge and sometimes daunting task that comes with marriage is what we hear all day everyday when it comes to relationships...commitment. But hold on with me here. It really is the deciding factor of a marriage. The definition of commitment is a promise of dedication to a relationship in which there is an emotional attachment to another person who has made the same promise. So the people who marry for financial reasons probably don’t find the highest levels of commitment in their marriages. Marriages with a higher level of commitment are more likely to be satisfied with the union and less likely to have thoughts of divorce! So you're probably wondering how to build commitment in a marriage...this is accomplished when you make sure each partner feels a sense of equity in the relationship. Meaning the marriage is fair and equal. Another important factor in keeping a healthy marriage is to continuously express affection.
Okay now onto the newly married couples! Some of the biggest challenges facing newly married couples is trying to form an entirely new marital system. Each person brings different things so compromising is a huge thing in the first year. Smaller things within a new marital system include negotiating roles of who will clean, pay bills, etc. There is work schedules to figure out, debts to be paid, conflict that has to be resolved and more. Everyone shows and shares their feelings differently so learning how to understand the other person's feelings is also a very important factor going into the first year of marriage. A lot of this I’m sure can be intimidating and worrisome but it’s been done by countless others and through patience and really learning how to communicate, I think couples can stay together through anything.
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