Family and Stress

This week’s topic is one that every family will come to face at some point. Unfortunately it is the topic of family crisis. A family crisis is defined as a situation that creates a turning point within a family. It disrupts the normal functioning of the family. A family crisis is typically caused by different types of stressors. These stressors include the death of a family member, serious illness or an accident, unemployment, unwanted pregnancy, a move, emotional illness, etc. For example, a young newly wed couple facing a family crisis would be work and financial strain and the difficulty of finding a job or changing a job. A family in a crisis doesn’t always mean a sickness but typically a family overwhelmed by a stressor or a pile-up of stressors.

The event that is highest on the list of stressors for a family is drug abuse. This is a pattern of repeated drug use. It typically will interfere with work, health, or social relationships. In certain cases pertaining to drug abuse, there is sexual physical and emotional abuse. As a result of drug abuse, children typically suffer in school and will also be involved with alcohol and drug abuse as adults. Statistics show that about ⅓ of children who are abused will grow up to become abusers. However ⅔ will not. Mostly, it is a matter of whether or not the child understands that there is always alternative ways of dealing with stress. 

A coping pattern is defined as whatever a person does in the face of a crisis. When it comes to coping with a crisis, there are many different ways that families will respond. There are both effective and ineffective ways to deal with crisis. Ineffective coping patterns most often include denial. Denial is when people will not believe what they observe. Denial, when used temporarily, is normal and can be helpful. To break out of denial, a member of the family needs to openly admit that there is a problem. Avoidance is also a typical ineffective coping pattern. This is admitting the existence of a problem is not sufficient. The family members may downplay the situation to make it seem as if it is not a big problem when really it is. Avoidance can be healthy as long as it is temporary. The most ineffective and pointless coping pattern is scapegoating. This is when people admit a problem but they feel like they have to find someone else to blame. The person selects a victim and will continue to blame their situation on something other than themselves. As seen in many families, this strategy is not effective whatsoever. 

Effective coping within a family comes from a foundation of family strengths on which the members stand together. A resilient family is a family who discovers purpose and meaning in something beyond themselves. A resilient family has many foundations including communication with beliefs and emotions, good financial management, problem solving, good health both physical and emotional, shared leisure activities, an acceptance of each member's personality and behavior, social support network, sharing routines meals and chores, and having traditions passed on from generation to generation. These family types cope with crisis in effective ways such as taking responsibility. They don’t deny or avoid the problem or blame others. Nobody plays the victim and instead all take part in taking responsibility. They also balance self esteem with other concerns. They pay attention to the well being of others and don’t become self-absorbed. A very important lesson that families learn about effective coping is the concept of reframing. Reframing is to redefine the meaning of something, to change the perspective on a situation. It is a skill that helps people overcome adversity. It means trying to reconsider things in a positive light and is powerful in changing a family's way of thinking during a crisis. Hopefully there were many helpful things to the reader when it comes to dealing with a family crisis. I want to end with a powerful quote about strong families by Marge Kennedy that says “in truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by the number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit.”