Okay okay okay so probably the most important thing in marriage and family relationships is… good communication!!! Much of the positive and negative of marriage and family life is based on the way people communicate. The definition of communication is the use of language and nonverbal signs to create shared meaning between two or more people. Nonverbal communication includes things such as the clothing that one wears, facial expressions, eye behavior, and touching. What happens because of this type of communication is that it influences the attitudes and behaviors of others. Nonverbal communication can complement words, contradict words, repeat a message, regulate communication, substitute words, and accent or trigger words. It’s amazing to me how impactful nonverbal communication can be in the eyes of other people.
Communication has much to do with the perspective of others. When interpreting messages, it all depends on what you say and how you say it and how the other person interprets what you say and how you say it. When it comes to communicating feelings, we first interprets other’s feelings and then compare those to what we had expected. Then, we react and communicate additional feelings based on our perspective. Good communication stems from good listening.
Listening in a conversation is so much more important than talking. Many things create a poor listener including things such as pretending to listen, appearing to be intent but thinking about something else, and agreeing excessively. Other things include interrupting, always thinking of how to respond instead of simply listening, and only attending to the words of others. However, there are many ways to improve listening skills! No fear for those who have poor listening skills. The first part in improving listening skills is taking the initiative in communication. You have to work on looking at your partner and concentrating. Resisting distractions will allow for one to focus on what their partner is saying. Controlling emotions means you wait for your partner to finish with what they are saying. Another important part is asking questions and rephrasing. This allows for the listener to clarify, check for accuracy, check for feelings, and provide a way to show interest and understanding. People listening should make use of their thoughts by summarizing- using thinking to formulate responses. Lastly, to improve listening skills, it all comes down to practice. Practice with everyone and your listening skills will be improved greatly.
Many things go into satisfying communication in a marriage. Important conversations to have in a marriage include discussing ways to spend income which will decrease arguments regarding finances. Discussing work and interests with each other as well as expressing feelings to each other is such an important aspect in a healthy marriage. An important thing to avoid in communication is saying things that will irritate the other person. I’m a big believer that it is more important to be kind than to be right. So make sure you begin your conversations with love instead of being irritated and taking it out on a spouse or important person. Pleasant mealtime conversations where each person is really listening to each other is also important in satisfying communication. Support, affection and confiding in one another will greatly increase the satisfaction found in happy marriages when it comes to communication.
As talked about earlier, satisfying communication is essential for a healthy marriage. Much of the conflict found in marriage is based on money, children sex, etc. However, just as there are ways to be a good listener, there are also ways to have good fights. It includes maintaining perspective, developing tension outlets, being sensitive to the timing, willing to compromise and above all continuing to love. Things such as everyday conversations, mutual self-disclosure, the exchange of ideas and vital pieces such as laughing together and calm discussions will allow for so many blessings in a marriage and more importantly the spirit can reside and reduce the amount of conflict.
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