Oh parenting… one of the most complex topics out there right? Well you aren’t wrong. There is so much to parenting and we won’t even cover about half of it today. When every child is different, how does one know exactly what they are doing?? One of my favorite quotes when relating to parenting says “children are not a distraction from more important work, they are the most important work.” I love that! How important it is that as a society we recognize the importance of children as they will progress to be the next generation. At the beginning of this week I was asked what the purpose of parenting was, seeing as I am not a parent I was not too sure how to answer the question. As I did more research into the material and the topic, I realized that parenting requires some of the most important tasks such as protecting and preparing children to survive and thrive. Wow. Guess I will start prepping for that giant task right about now.
I want to start off by detailing how parenting has collapsed in recent years. I think it's important to see where society as a whole has gone wrong and how we can fix those mistakes. Nowadays, we are seeing more adults starting to defer to kids because they have given up their authority as parents and their confidence in being one has been lost within themselves. Things such as begging children to eat healthy foods is an example of parents losing their authority. Parents have gotten used to asking their children to do things rather than simply telling them. However the problem here is that children need that strong presentation in their lives to have someone to trust and depend upon. We are seeing that the parents who are more authoritative are having better outcomes.
Sooo… what should parents be doing to avoid these parenting collapses?? An important way to fix this is by telling children no. When parents overindulge their children, it will install a want for more and more things. We also see that the parents who overindulge their children actually end up with children with higher amounts of depression. One of the most important things to recognize is that a parent should model traits they want to see in their children. Two of the most important ones that a parent should aim to exemplify is humility and conscientiousness. Another important part is that parents should make sure they have healthy adult relationships. Otherwise certain traits will be lacking and the children can pick up on them.
There are three types of parenting today. The first is autocratic parenting where there is frequent battles between a child and parent. Permissive parenting is a good relationship as long as the child gets what they want. Active parenting has problems but there is an atmosphere of mutual respect, trust and teamwork. Which type is most successful? That would be active parenting. The basis of active parenting is how a parent responds and not reacts, impacting how the child will end up. Both autocratic and permissive parenting are no longer effective in a household. The biggest thing with active parent is asking who owns the problem? From there the question of whose goals are being blocked can be asked. Then we can ask if the problem involves health, safety or family values. Lastly we can ask if the problem is one that a parent can reasonably expect a child to solve. By asking these questions, a parent and child’s relationship will be much healthier than an autocrative or permissive style of parenting.
When it comes to consequences and setting guidelines for teens, things can get a bit rocky. Luckily there is a guideline for logical consequences. The first thing is to ask the teen to help decide on the consequence. Put the consequence in the form of a choice such as either/or or when/then. Next, make sure the consequence is logically connected to the misbehavior. Next give choices that the teen can live with. A very important part is keeping the tone of voice firm and calm. This will keep the conversation healthy and peaceful. Next is to give the choice one time and then to enforce the consequence. Lastly, parents should expect testing from the teen. This is a normal response as children are moving through adolescence.
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