Week 6: Cherishing your spouse

This week, I loved getting to know more about what goes into a happy marriage and how we can get to know our spouses better and how to cherish one another in marriage. A very important part of marriage is how well we know our spouse. From the writings of John Gottman, I learned that “emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other's worlds.” I think this takes precedence in a marriage. Life will get busy and as time goes on and children enter the scene, it can be hard for a marriage to stay strong and keep moving forward. But getting to know each other better and asking questions to remain constantly familiar with each other's lives is a beautiful way for a marriage to remain happy and healthy. Spouses should know each other’s life goals, worries and hopes. It’s always important to remember that getting to know our spouses should be a positive experience and not one that feels like a chore. 

When Dr. Gottman did studies on married couples, he noticed right away which marriages could be repaired and which marriages would not last. He mentioned that those couples who still had a fondness and admiration for each other, were able to save their marriage. This comes from having friendship at the core of a marriage. If friendship and mutual respect is the basis of a marriage, then it can hold as the antidote to contempt and anger when problems arise. In my life, I can tell the difference in relationships with those individuals who I share a fondness and admiration with, and those individuals who I do not. My relationships where fondness and admiration are present, are much more happy and joyful than those without. Many of our relationships are enriched when we focus on the relationship as a whole instead of our individual self. 

The question that we typically ask ourselves before marriage is “what is best for me?” However once we are married and there after the question we need to be asking is “what is best for our marriage and family?” Marriage is a two person effort combined with God. After we are married, we put aside most of our other relationships to be able to focus on the one we have with our spouse. It is crucial to come to know our spouses and become familiar with everything about them so that we may stay vigilant and joyful in our marriages.