Week 10: Seeking to Understand

     Gridlock in marriage. What is that you ask? Gridlock happens when partners can’t find a way to accommodate perpetual disagreements. There are a few ways to identify if partners have reached this stage. It includes having the same argument again and again with no resolution, neither person being able to address the issue with humor, empathy or affection, the issue is becoming increasingly polarizing as time continues, and compromise seems impossible. The best thing when it comes to gridlock is to avoid it in the first place but if the relationship is past that point, the goal is to be able to acknowledge and discuss the issue without hurting each other. Dr. John Gottman gives different steps to overcome gridlock in a marriage and I think they can be wildly beneficial if each partner gives an honest effort. The first step is to explore the dream. Each person needs to talk honestly about their opinion and what it means to them. It’s important to release all judgment prior, because no relationship can thrive if there is judgement and disrespect towards one another. The next step is working to soothe each other. These conversations can be very challenging if one or both partners are overly stressed or anxious. Step three is working to reach a temporary compromise. Step four includes saying thank you and working to be patient with the process and each other. I think a great way to avoid gridlock is doing something every day to work on your marriage. It should be a constant daily effort from each person.

     From the writings of Dr. Goddard’s book, he talks heavily on charity. Charity is defined as the pure love of Christ. To make the necessary changes in our lives to become better, we must work on loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint and meekness. We develop these attributes when we become true followers of Jesus Christ. Charity is so healthy in a marriage and will only contribute to more love and growth within. 

     The research done by Dr. John Gottman has been some of the most influential in marriages and family life. His research is tried and true and being unmarried, I have gained so much insight and knowledge that will help and bless my future marriage. By following the 7 principles, and working to cultivate charity and truly relying on Christ, our marriages will be blessed and truly prosper.