Week 13: In-law Relations

     One of my favorite quotes regarding the relationship of a married couple and in law relations states “Nobody should come between you and your spouse. They should come alongside you but not between you.” I think this is a great reminder that a husband and wife are a personal unit. They have begun to form their own family and anyone outside of that unit can help and support but should ultimately stay outside of the relationship. Marriage is already hard enough, there is no need to have unhealthy ties between spouses and the in-laws. 

     Newly married couples should leave their parents and cleave unto their spouses. In order to make this transition, the parents may have to abandon the prior roles they had with their children and allow the new couple space to be independent. It is also important that the married couple confide within one another and not with their parents. Advice and counsel should be sought through the spouse instead of a parent. It’s important that a newly wed couple establish their own household. They are now a new unit and their own family. Their decisions should come from mutual agreement with one another instead of their parents. 

     Marriage is all about accepting differences in another person. However along with accepting a spouses differences, comes an acceptance of the difference from their extended family. The best practices to remember when accepting differences is to demonstrate humor. Relationships can be saved and differences be put aside when there is an air of humor. It makes things lighter and easier to handle. Another important practice is exercising patience. Patience will strengthen the relationship and help protect against arguments and unhealthy disagreements. Overlooking small irritants and looking for positive things will also greatly benefit a spouse that is struggling to accept the differences that marriage brings to the table. 

     Watching my parents over the years and observing how they interact with their in-laws, one of the most important aspects of building relationships with in-laws is time. Time can help people get to know each other and learn how to better accept differences. I’ve noticed that my parents have genuine conversations with the in-laws and even though there can be irritants, they really try to express their love and look at the positive side of things. I think by trying our best to really be patient and understand that even though everyone is different, they should still be loved is a great thing to remember and put into practice when in-laws are involved.